REFLECTIONS ON CONNECTIONS
As I write this piece London has just fallen into Tier 4 and Christmas celebrations are now severely restricted. The name of our charity is Connected Lives and at the end of this year of years I’m reflecting on connections, 2020 style.
Let’s start globally. If the Covid-19 pandemic taught us anything useful (other than to learn how to wear face masks and to insert ‘socially distanced of course’ seamlessly into all plans for seeing anyone) it has surely been how connected we are as a global community of human beings. Within weeks a truly terrible virus spread globally (let’s not get into the politics of how different governments responded here) and forced a vast majority of the world to press pause. Travel was banned or severely restricted, those who could were asked to work at home; non-essential shops closed, the hospitality and beauty industries shut, sports venues closed and grass-roots sports halted.
Whatever we think about our place in the world at large, this year taught us we are all intricately connected, with people, goods and services travelling across the globe at astonishing rates. Historians tracking these things calculate that the 1346/7 outbreak of Bubonic Plague, which originated in Mongolia, took approximately 2 years to reach these shores, it came through ships trading goods. The Covid-19 virus took a matter of weeks simply because of the strength and speed of our inter-connectedness. We are a global body and we need to care for one another on a global scale because (to quote from the Bible)
“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it.” (1 Corinthians 12:26)
How we treat one another and our planet matters to us all. This truth should dominate political, climate change, trade and any negotiations ‘nations’ make with each other.
Moving from macro connections to micro connections. 2020 saw us spend significantly more time with some members of our family and significantly less time with wider friends and kinship networks. I have documented in previous blogs how this created huge stress and had at times a devastating impact. As a charity which exists to support these vital family connections we sought to play our part in helping families and couples cope with this extraordinary set of circumstances. At the very beginning of the crisis, in March 2020 I led the prayers for mothers at the (online) Mother’s Day Service of my church. It caused great hilarity amongst my family that I said that we all needed to “mother-up” and that the next season was going to be parenting like we’d never known it. Of course, my slightly flippant March 2020 self didn’t know how long the whole thing would last and “she” thought it would be done by early summer (ha ha). But she was right about one thing, being a parent in 2020 whatever age your children are was incredibly tough and demanded new wisdom and endurance to survive.
Speaking personally this year has shown me the preciousness of family life and the complexity of it. With three adult children forced to return to live at home, one husband and a slightly crazy puppy, life was not dull. Love turned to hate, delight to frustration before you could say ‘tier 2, rule of six, or Covid secure’. I remain hugely grateful for the map of attachment (made so stunningly visual through the work of Circle of Security Parenting) to help guide me through all this craziness. When I was able to take that all important step back and think ‘what’s going on here’ ‘where are they on the Circle?’ ‘What is their behaviour telling me?’ things went significantly better. We also saw in the countless (well 10 actually) online groups that we ran that this way of thinking helped and transformed many other families seeking to connect in the midst of everything.
My desire for 2021 and beyond (aside from us all getting vaccinated) is to get this important insight and understanding to the people who need it most, the parents and partners across the UK. This is not simply a vague hope; we are about to launch 2 new Connected Lives hubs, one in Cambridge and one in South East London. We hope that these will be the start of many more over the next few years.
So goodbye and good riddance to 2020, come quickly 2021 and huge thanks to you our volunteers, helpers and supporters all for the help, support and generosity you have shown over the past year.
Jenny Peters
23/12/20