I am enough
The past week has been a time of highs and lows. For many, there was a growing anticipation and excitement as the England football team progressed through to the final of the Euro 2020 on Sunday 11th July 2021. This was swiftly followed by the disappointment of loss, and more profoundly, dismay and anger at the racial abuse levelled at the young England players who had failed to successfully to take their penalty.
One of these young players is Marcus Rashford, a man who has become known for the way in which he has spoken out about child food poverty. In recognition of Rashford’s contribution, a mural was painted on the side of a café with a portrait of Rashford and the words: ‘Take pride in knowing that your struggle will play the biggest role in your purpose.’ Powerful words indeed.
In the night following England’s defeat, this mural was defaced and then transformed as many people placed messages of support and hope on the wall. When I awoke and saw this changed image, I felt physically moved. As one local person said: “something beautiful has been created out of something negative” https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-57832402 . For me, the mural is even more powerful as Rashford is joined by his local community as they stand alongside him.
In a Twitter, Rashford reflects:
“The communities that always wrapped their arms around me continue to hold me up. I’m Marcus Rashford, 23 year old, black man from Withington and Wythenshawe, South Manchester. If I have nothing else, I have that.”
Wow! What makes it possible for a young man to say this?
Where does he find his identity, his security?
As a Circle of Security Parenting facilitator, I cannot help but return to the circle graphic which is at the heart of this programme to find meaning in what Rashford is saying. As Rashford speaks of being ‘wrapped in the arms’ of those who support him, I see this as a safe haven - arms and hands outstretched ready to welcome him home; to provide comfort and protection. Equally, the idea of Rashford having people to ‘hold him up’ brings to mind ideas of strength and confidence for me. Like a bird held in the palm of someone’s hands ready to take flight once more. A community, a secure base, that allows Rashford to go out once more into the world and thrive, rather than survive.
I wonder, how might I, as a parent help my children to grow up knowing they have a safe haven to which they can return?
How might I help them to have an experience of a secure base, that watches over them and delights in them?
The answer I think lies in being the hands, which you can see on the circle graphic. As a parent, we are to be the hands for our children, to stay on the circle. That is, to be there for them in all of their emotions, in the highs and lows of their every day. It means staying emotionally connected, available for them. It means loving them for who they are, not for what they do.
As I write this, I realise it sounds like hard work. It is hard work. It is relentless and demanding. I return to Rashford’s comment that it is the “communities” that have been there for him; it does not fall to one person. May we find family, friends, neighbours, groups, who can be there to help uphold our children. To help uphold ourselves.
In Rashford’s twitter he offers himself and says that if nothing else, he has this. I wonder how able I am to say:
“I’m Helen Bell, 47 years old white woman from South Yorkshire. If I have nothing else, I have that.”
That is enough.
I am enough.
You are enough.