Life will never be the same again

“Life will never be the same again”

I remember when I was expecting my first child people would say to me, “life will never be the same again”. I didn’t quite understand what they meant by this. It was said almost as a threat, like I had made a mistake. That I needed to make the most of things now, before the arrival of this little person. Strangers and friends alike would advise me to make the most of my evenings, to spend time with my friends, to pursue my hobbies, “whilst I still can”.

I am sure their intentions were well meant and to some extent they were right; life did change. But what I hadn’t anticipated was how I would change as a human being. I was reminded of the power of a new life to transform us once again when a mum shared a poem with me which she had written shortly after the birth of her first child. This mum has kindly agreed for me to share her poem here.

Love Unknown

You were an unknown entity many months ago.

Now you are everything God told me you will be.

I am overcome with love,

a love different to all,

a love beyond all understanding.

A love no other can lay claim to.

I see you and cannot have words for what I want you to know.

I have an unknown proudness for you.

I feel an unknown willingness for sacrifice to give you what you need,

out of a passionate protective love.

I will surround you to protect you from prying hands and minds.

I will envelop you from the cold.

I will trust God will protect and guide your path for He has it decided.

I will be someone who He wishes me to become for you,

someone you will be fiercely proud of.

You will be my pride and joy.

You will be everything from the sky to the rainbow,

from the summer sun to the autumn open land,

from the winter forest to the spring meadows.

I thank the Lord everyday for gifting me such a life.

For bestowing me such a life to be proud of.

You are everything I could love and wish for and beyond.

The Lord will make our paths straight.

Open your mouth, open it wide and let the Lord fill it.

                                                                                     T. Williamson 

What really touches me about this poem is the mother’s love for her child, a love so consuming, that it changes her; a love so great that it cannot be totally understood. Certainly, this child is not a mistake! This new life is a gift of love.

In the book ‘The Birth of a Mother,’ Stern and Bruschweiler-Stern write about the ‘intimate responsibility’ of loving and how we must discover how to interact with someone who is so different to any other relationship we have encountered. How do we interact with someone who is unable to communicate in words? They write:

‘Ask yourself what your basic understanding has been of what it means to relate to someone else. For this new relationship, you will have to draw upon your lifelong understanding of intimacy. Unexpectedly intense, relating to your baby will call into action and into question all your talents for loving, sharing, relating, giving, and receiving.’

What a huge task! Perhaps daunting, yet also an opportunity. An opportunity of love and discovery.

 Perhaps when well-wishers gave me advice as to what to expect when my child was born, it would have been helpful to hear how I, as a woman, as a mother, as a human being, will be changed.

Certainly, I will never be the same again.

Dr Helen Bell, Cambridgeshire Hub Director, Connected Lives

Birth of a Mother: How the Experience of Motherhood Changes you Forever (1998) by Daniel Stern, Nadia Bruschweiler-Stern, Alison Freeland.