Together is always Better

 I am delighted we can meet back together at Clay Farm on a Wednesday morning for HonC!

Whilst we have had to make a few changes right now as to where and how we meet – in smaller numbers, wearing face coverings and in a different room – to name just a few things, I think the spirit of what HonC! stands for has not changed.

A group of parents asked me to help them set up a stay-and-play group almost three years ago after they had attended a Circle of Security-Parenting group that I had helped to facilitate. Their desire: to continue to offer support in their parenting journey to one another, and to reach out to other families.

Whilst clearing away the toys last week, a new volunteer went to help a longstanding HonCer with something they were struggling with. As the newcomer gave assistance, they commented: “Together is always better.”  What a wonderful phrase! And one that is at the very heart of what HonC! is about and I believe how relationships work best.

Our logo at HonC! is a goose - a bird that honks, both to show support for others and at times when they need help. I love to watch geese flying in a v-formation, honking as they go, taking it in turns to lead. A stronger goose might lead the way, carrying others behind them, protecting the ones who are struggling or injured. Then as they grow tired or weary, they fall back and let another goose take its place at the front.

This is such a brilliant picture of mutual support and one that I see happening at HonC! There are times when we struggle in our parenting. Times when an encouraging word or smile is just enough to get us through. Times when we are so weary and troubled that we need to step back and let someone else lead the way and shield us when we are broken. There are other times when we are so full of energy, we feel like we can take on the world! Perhaps our baby is sleeping through the night at last (for now!) or we are truly enjoying the stage our child is at and loving all the fun we can share together.

In the midst of the busy morning last week, I heard a child crying, very distressed as they had momentarily been separated from their caregiver. I looked around and saw the child run directly to me. I scooped the child up in my arms. They settled immediately. From the outside, it most likely looked like it was me helping the child. Indeed, I was. I was able to provide just enough comfort for them until their caregiver returned. Yet from the inside, this child also helped me. In their direct and simple request for help they were saying: “You matter. You are special.” In this moment my heart was transformed, just as their heart was soothed.

 Some time ago I read a quote by Lilla Watson that has stayed with me. Watson is speaking about how to approach others to work towards cooperation in the midst of conflict. She says:

“If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. If you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together”

My hope is that as we walk (or fly!) alongside each other at HonC! we can mutually transform one another. Help each other in our relationships with our children, our families, our communities.

Because yes, together is always better.

[1] Lilla Watson, “Recognition of Indigenous Terms of Reference,” Keynote Address at “A Contribution to Change: Cooperation Out of Conflict Conference: Celebrating Difference, Embracing Equality,” Hobart, Tasmania (September 21-24, 2004). She identifies this slogan as a collective statement from activists working in Brisbane in the 1970s.

Helen Bell