Teenage Perspective on Lockdown

No one wants to be stuck in a house with just your family, especially teenagers.  The changes going on in our teenage brains (emotional brain becomes extra sensitive and the pre-frontal cortex is working on ‘go slow’ – see The Incredible Teenage Brain for the details) mean that all of our emotions are heightened. What feels sad to you can feel catastrophic to us, what feels okay can feel amazing.  We actually need your help to make sense of these emotions  (however hard we might make this for you to do). As part of our growing up we also need to move away from our families and form stronger peer relationships – so we need human contact with people we aren’t related to probably more than at any other point in our lives. We might not have jobs, we might not have been furloughed but we do have stressful things in our lives and we are suffering loss. We might have been about to do GCSES, A levels, or even Uni Finals and suddenly the way in which these work has been changed. That is very stressful.

Whether we are extroverts or introverts, we will be missing our friends and FaceTime, HouseParty or Zoom are not the same. We know that people have it worse (please don’t remind us of that) but we want our feelings of sadness to be acknowledged. It feels frustrating, anxiety inducing and sad dealing with the current situation. Teenagers have less control over emotions or understanding of them; underneath we might feel sad but that might come out as being angry, or as my mother likes to say ‘pissy’. It is difficult for us to process this whole situation together with our vanishing freedom.

So what kind of things can parents do to help us?

1. Push us (a bit) - It is not good for us to be sat in our room alone all day, we might tell you we don’t mind, but no one should be alone 24 hours a day. Suggest activities we might enjoy; a film, a game, going on a walk, doing the weekly shop for you. Even if we want to, sometimes it’s hard to force ourselves to do an activity, so give us a little push. A little push, means a little push, it does not mean forcing your teenager out of their room to play Scrabble (or something they hate). Be creative, if we don’t want to play that board game how about offering to play on the Play Station?

2. Online Time - We also need time to speak to friends, this might be up to a couple hours a day. This level of screen time may be violating your general ‘screen policy’ but let’s face it, we’re in the middle of a global pandemic (and how would you all be coping without social media?)  It’s really beneficial for us, however well our family might get along, to speak to someone who is not in our house. Imagine the amount of time we would spend socialising in an average week, we will want to mirror that as much as we can.

3. Be understanding - Some teenagers may decide to take a hobby up, or perfect one – great! BUT, if we don’t become professional cooks, artists, gym fanatics or cleaners please don’t blame us. Some of us might want to have achieved something tangible during the lockdown; for others survival is our main aim. So if we aren’t posting videos of us playing violin concertos with our siblings or making sourdough please love us anyway.

4. Say No -  (can’t believe I’m writing this – I feel like a traitor to the teenage-hood). Finally, we are inherently self obsessed, we might not care that seeing our friend could put someone at risk. You, as the adult, need to put boundaries in place. We should not be allowed to go and see a friend for a “social distancing walk”. However much we kick and scream you have to say no.

Natasha (aged 18 years) is supposed to be at Leeds Uni, but she is currently stuck at home with 4 family members and a crazy puppy…