A REFLECTION ON THE FIRST YEAR OF CONNECTED LIVES
Connected Lives was set up to offer help and support for our closest relationships. We do this because we know how fundamentally important these relationships are to our wellbeing and we also know how tough it can be at times.
Someone who attended one of our couple’s courses reflected:
‘Rather than fishing drowning people out of the river, the programme stops them from falling in, in the first place.”
I like that, we are all about prevention, we want to give a helping hand at the earliest possible time to help people understand one another, reconnect and thrive together.
Now rather like the rest of the world I have to tell you that 2020 did not quite pan out the way we’d planned! Relationally as we know the lockdown forced us to live closer together with some people and further apart from others. We were in constant contact with families and partners whilst being separated from friends and wider communities.
All too predictably the worst effects were felt by those already vulnerable. Rates of domestic violence rose (91% of women experiencing partner violence said it had worsened in the period); the number of babies killed by their parents rose by 20%. Adolescent and maternal mental health worsened; relationships stress increased.
As a charity set up to support family relationships we sought to respond to the (okay I’m going to use the word) unprecedented situation. We tried to be a bit of a save haven for parents and partners in the storm. That’s what we’re here for.
We saw a fivefold increase in the numbers of parents referred to our Circle of Security Parenting groups. To meet this need our fantastic team of facilitators (you know who you are) rallied and together we delivered 9 online Circle of Security Groups. In general facilitators used to delivering ‘in person’ groups found the transition to online hard work. Although online life did have it’s advantages, one group was joined by parents from Hawai, Ascension Islands and Australia and the UK.
We also saw a 150% increase in participation in our online Hold Me Tight Course. These courses help partners unpick negative patterns of relating and rebuild trust and connection. The format of the couples courses (presentation then lots of time for couples to do the exercises) works brilliantly online. It makes the course so much more accessible (no baby-sitters, no rushing to the group from work) and we’re likely to continue that format going forward.
We have struggled more to find creative online alternatives to our drop in groups. We have handed out Connection Boxes with crafts for families and delivered Weekly online Toddler Time; Weekly Mammaccino groups. None of these feel like a good enough substitute for having a large, safe place for children to gather and play and parents to chat and connect.
In one sentence covid and the pandemic meant that demand went up while income went down. Two big training events, which are an important source of income for us were cancelled, all income from activities was reduced and grant making bodies were swamped responding to material needs. We are incredibly grateful to the regular givers who gave so generously throughout this time.
Whilst slightly cautious about making any hard and fast predictions our broad plans are to increase our impact through delivering more groups, moving into new areas, expanding support for parents of teens, continue to encourage ‘best practice’ amongst facilitators and to set up a network of hubs offering the attachment-based groups in locations across England.
I think the best thing I can think to say on 2020, is that we survived it and we did what we could to be the hands for families in the storm. As always our staff team and volunteers were amazing and gave selflessly with wisdom and grace. Looking ahead into the next year we are very excited for the birth of our first ‘baby hubs’ and teenage work. Thanks for all your support, stay safe and stay connected.
Jenny Peters
25/11/20