Be Still, TUne IN
We love to hear from you and how our blogs and the ideas in Circle of Security-Parenting continue to affect your day-to-day lives with your children. Here are some thoughts from one parent, reflecting on her experience of using what she learnt in the Circle of Security-Parenting group she participated in and was reminded of after reading Helen’s blog: ‘Being with: a gift of relationship.’
Harper came out of school literally hissing at me. She repelled my proffered arm around her shoulder and said she hated me. Rather than being affronted and reacting, I thought about ‘being-with’. I managed to get out of my own ego and put my hurt feelings aside and asked, “Has something happened at school today Harper?”
Yes, Harper went on to say how her ‘BFF’ is in a mood with her and has been for the past two weeks. Her friend had basically dumped her. This was my cue to unpack the whole friendship thing over a snack. I said how we can have a variety of friends in different contexts and how these can protect us from a massive fall out if one major bond ruptures out of the blue. Her equilibrium returned and we went out to play ping pong in the sunshine.
It’s a paradox, the less one does, the more one listens, the more magic happens. Just be still and tune in!
“COS-P is an amazing approach.”
A little later, this parent wrote to me again and spoke some more about how she had been able to stand back and reflect on what had happened at the school gate…
“I returned to my COS-P book* last night and reminded myself that I am above all ‘separation sensitive’. In that, I mean that, I get very hurt and collapse into myself when I sense I’m being rejected, as Harper was attempting to do by pushing me away after school. By me being able to remain in ‘secure attachment’ mode and set aside my own issues, even if I didn’t feel like it, it opened up space for creativity and growth.”
What amazing reflections! They offer so much encouragement.
Circle of Security-Parenting gives us a map to stand back and reflect on what is really going on for our children. I love this parent’s description of “getting out of my own ego” and her ability to stay with her own discomfort of feeling rejected and choosing to be there for her child.
If you would like to join a Circle of Security Parenting Group, please get in touch.
If, like this parent, you have participated in a Circle of Security Parenting group and would like to revisit some of the ideas with other parents, please sign up for one of our Revisited sessions.
* Raising a Secure Child by Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper and Bert Powell
All names have been changed to protect the identity of the family.